I’m tired.

 
That’s about what I have to say and really will sum up the rest of this blog. I’m tired. What more do I have to say?

I could say the past several months have been a whirlwind. I could whine about the demands, the meditations pressed upon me, the devotions garnered on my soul. I could complain of the lessons, the studies, that weigh on my shoulders. But I won’t. I have no complaint of them, no concern with my tasks. Only joy springs from the work.

I’ll merely state that I’m tired.

It’s really my only complaint right now. I was too tired last night for even a bath. I stumbled into bed by 8:30 pm dreading the morning’s rise. I wish for more strength to carry me through, more stamina, a blessing of perseverance so I can accomplish the tasks meted out to me; those gifts of which I strive and struggle and complete and realize such blessings.

I’m on a sort of down-time now. It’s needed. I’ve climbed the tree till my very bones ached, I’ve swum with the Nine, perched with the hawk. The elements have swirled through my being, Frigga has stared calmly down at me, and Freya has shown me how well Her pants fit all while I chased Her kittens as they destroyed my curtains. In between times I’ve collected up the devil-kin’s shiny toys that keep him calm and settled before I go to work, dash home and run to cook dinner, shower children, make beds, and take those children to their school program.

Yeah, I’m tired.

All of these escapades take energy. Not always as much time, but energy. Time is different in/over there. Some days I go in and when I come back it seems only minutes yet the clock shows hours. Other days seemingly hours have gone by yet the clock has ticked minutes slight. But long or short, the work taxes in varying amounts irrelevant to our human concept of time.

A few moments of one voyage can be as draining as hours of meditations focused on different issues. Either way, this strength must be regarnered, one must find the time and space to refresh, renew. Then one must address life here on Midgard for this is where we live, this is where we must cherish life itself.

I sat with Heimdallr on His bench. The one from which He listens, the one from which He watches with eyes as the hawk. ‘Look there, look closer!’ he bid and I did. I zeroed in on branches within trees seeing the life abundant. I honed in on homes, a man sadly resigned to his life, reading idly for nothing better than something seemingly to do. ‘Now look here’ he softly entreated and within his hands glowing white-green life itself which He gave to me. ‘Hold this.’ Loki has said this in the past just as He does now and so I do. I hold.

So I carry this gently in my down-time. I meditate on tenderly swirling elements, I sing the first aett. I pray for strength, the ability to continue, and I am supported and nudged and jokingly jostled by either- doesn’t matter which one. I nourish my body, I care not the time I sleep if tired, I find those little joys that have been pushed back in my focus on the Gods. I care for myself now as I must, as I should. The Gods, the Ancestors, all will help but I must do- such is the way of things.
12/14/2011 01:28:49 pm

I can relate to the tiredness - I'm glad you are finding joy in the work though.

This post reminded me of my "byline" with Sigyn - "As needs must". (It is/was the name of my highly-neglected LJ.) Funny how pervasive that sentiment is...

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