Though this isn't my typical style of music, I do like most music if done well. This song has it's qualities. Chalk tonight up to my quirks- sit back and think of your sweetie.
Jason Mraz- I'm Lucky
UPG is an amazing thing. When shared it can be a source of discussion and learning. And when one finds very similar UPG spread out over individuals divided by thousands of miles or years it becomes absolutely wondrous.
Here is one I call the Hall of Goddesses for lack of a better name. I was first taken in a meditation on Berkana to a grove of birch trees. We crossed a babbling creek (or river in other areas of the country) and there I was shown a building. I was told it was for women, women alone. I won't go into the details of the meditation- I learned much on the rune there- but I will talk a bit about the place. I have been there a couple of times.
It is reminiscent of Roman design which I though quite strange as these were Northern Goddesses. There is a central, depressed seating area. Many women sit on the steps and talk. There is a Roman type bath If needed, tables and chairs can be pulled out (from somewhere, I don't know) for use. Sometimes some are out, sometimes not. The bath is a healing bath. Used often for relaxation it can also be used for mental and physical healing.
What I find interesting about this UPG is that in conversation with another about the Berkanan rune I mentioned this building. To my surprise the other woman had also been first there about 2 years before. There are slight differences- hers is maybe an island or a peninsula- but one still has to cross water in both of our gnosis. She also sees chairs and tables pulled out as necessary, the Roman type bath, the rooms for the Goddesses. She thought this may be the place called Ingolf.
This is where I met Frigga. I've met her a scant handful of times. She leaned down, whispered in my ear, ‘There are great mysteries here. This is the wellspring of life, women control life itself’. I saw the Tree of Life in a womb, thee were many layers of understanding and I didn’t understand all of it. She reminded me of the three sisters of fate. ‘Remember, the Allfather Odin knows what happens along the lines, but it is women who knit them’.
This sharing of UPG- making it a shared gnosis between even just two- builds strength and belief. My friend taught me to have more trust in my meditations. She, being a Frigga's woman, was thrilled to have another gnosis of a direct Frigga teaching. It was a great day for the both of us to share a common experience neither of us had known we shared. So I thank you Mist- I thank you for sharing your experiences with me!
For more from Mist see Kenaz Kindred.
This afternoon I took the boys into town for dinner. Loki showed up- it was nice. I rarely get out just with the boys and He enjoys watching the children, enjoys family life. So He was there and as it often is when He is around things were going well. The salad was served, He wanted to try one of those peperoncini- yuck!! I really didn’t want to, I dislike them immensely but He looked at me with those big eyes- ‘puuuleeeeeease!’ Fine, if you can get in then sure I told Him. I should say I'm not talking about horsing here- this is a simple sharing of space so to speak. Well He slid in pretty darn easy- I got that momentary double vision and that odd feeling I get where my skin is/isn’t mine. I bit into the peperoncini, felt it’s fluids explode in my mouth, felt His appreciation and joy at its taste. Then my consciousness roared up- ugh! and of course He found that quite funny and I hear His rolling laughter. That’s fine, I knew I wouldn’t like it but to share a taste, one bite, it is the least I can do.
So the boys are eating their salads, relishing the leaves and the breadsticks. We are talking, Loki is leaning forward on the table, watching them quietly. At a break in the conversation He- but I should back up here. Gods talk in several different ways. Sometimes it is intuition, just a whisper of a thought and you know. Other times a physical happening such as when my phone kept opening and I knew Odin wanted to speak to me. Other times it is as though one hears Them as you hear another person with your ears. But then there are times, at least for me, when it is as though the words They say are etched into the center of my brain. It is deep, meant to be heard and understood, no room for error. And that was how Loki talked at this moment, the break in conversation and He’s watching the children and He says casually but deeply, ‘I love them.’ I register but Jacob starts to talk to me and we talk for a while. Then of course the main course arrives and Loki wants to try that also and He is sliding in and out and just generally enjoying being there.
But, as we are nearing the end of the meal what He said surfaced to the fore front of my thoughts again. It is powerful. I know I am not the first person to have their God admit to loving their children, but it is still an amazing, humbling moment. I start to tear, go into the bathroom to get hold of myself. Loki of course follows though now He is my ‘comfort food’ Loki- dark hair, a bit shorter than His other appearance, how He looks when He is soothing me. He is just there, letting me work this through. He leans in and I can feel the brush of His hair on my forehead and cheek.
But I’m set now and pay the bill and off we go. He rides along, wants to watch a movie tonight. X-Men, doesn’t care if it is number one or two. At one point in the car He says, ‘You knew that already’ and I guess I did but I had never really thought of it, of Him actually loving my children. I knew He liked them, He likes all children. But this is a different level. I check the movies at home, only number two can be found. Ikes- never really liked that movie but I had given Him his choice, so be it. I turn around, He is right behind me, looking at me thoughtfully. 'You know I will always watch out for them, just as I watch out for you.' I nod, He has saved my life before, He does watch and it is BIG to know He will watch out for your children. He is Nana with supernatural fangs, He is Santa Claus with a gun, the Kindergarten Cop, He is the God so many fear and He will watch out for my children. I don't know what to say, just nod is all I can do, just plug in His movie.
So I’m still processing this. Loki isn’t usually thought of as a God who likes children or family. If He is thought of in combination with children it is usually more that He spawns monsters. I know this to be different. Hela most definitely holds an important place in the Northern Cosmos and I do believe Fenris and Jorgumand to be essential to the balance Odin so often speaks of to me.
But Loki has more children than this. Two more fairly well known but, like an embarrassment to a family, are often shuffled under a rug. The two from His more peaceful, home like aspect which just flat out isn’t as fun or tantalizing to talk or write of so it is ignored, forgotten by most. These oh so important children are Narvi and Vali, the two used as revenge pawns by a lynch mob of Aesir. Whether you love the Aesir or not, that piece of history can't be ignored.
The children He lost, it still hurts Him deeply. To fully know my God loves my children when He has lost His own, it is astounding. I am honored to be able to share my children with him and give him some of the joy and peace He is always looking for, that joy and peace so often denied.
I had a 3 am wake up call the other day. I haven't had those in a while, really not since just before I realized Those coming to me in my dreams were real. At that time, for about six weeks I had nightly 3 am calls. Sometimes I would be woken by hearing a door, footsteps. Other times my name. Other times just the feel of a presence and I would wander the house looking for them- I knew it was Loki and His chum from another pantheon- just didn't realize They were right there beside me. But the wake up calls essentially went away once I realized the truth of it. Till the other night.
I've gotten a few now, but this one was a tad different. Typically I hear the call, get up and sit out for a bit. When They've said what They need to say, when what needs to be done is done I go to bed. But this time I got up and wandered into the living room, grabbing a blanket as it was cold. I looked out the window and, as sometimes happens when I am seeing like this, it was bright as day outside and Hela was standing under the maple tree. She almost had Her back turned to me, just the bare glimpse of Her face could be seen. Her clothing was more tattered than usual but sometimes the looks change. She barely twitched a finger, didn't look back at all but I knew I was beckoned.
Outside I went. With her cold presence She barely looked at me. She twitched a hand pointing around the property and with barely a word I knew what She wanted. Shrubbery. Out of all the Gods, and I say this with the greatest of respect, She is the one most likely to make me swear. Even Loki doesn't, minute for minute, make me curse as much as Hela. And I like her, I do! It is just as I have mentioned previously, I need to make friends with, adjust to Verdandi now but Hela wants me to meet and acknowledge Skuld. So dammit I went out and got the hedging going- hundreds of feet of hedging. Oh I already knew, had already started. But that was my doing, Our Lady of Death hadn't come and given me a royal kick in the behind to get moving on it. Maybe She makes me curse more because She hits the pocket book hardest, makes more blisters than the other Gods do.
This brings us to this God-slave nonsense. Called Godatheow by Galina Krasskova. I found Galina's writings even before I had figured out Loki's correct name but I didn't like what she wrote, it made me uncomfortable hitting far too close, so I walked away from her site for several months. I, as most people from the industrial world are, am too damn proud to say I'm some slave for the Gods- willing or otherwise.
Yet here I am wearing tokens, making reminder objects, lighting candles, getting out of bed, getting into bed, reading this, writing that, emailing this person, not emailing that one, planting shrubs, meditating on such, offering this, not offering that, taking hermitages at appointed times, taking baths, planting shrubs, driving here, giving Nerthus an apple core for Christ's sake and all because They ask. [ok, yeah, mixed pantheons in the name of common language usage- get over it].
I find it very easy to say I serve because They ask. They ask reasonable things so those duties are reasonable to do. Really? Why in my ever loving mind would I ever have been braiding yarn, eating this not that, or binding my wrists on a normal 'pre-God' day? But the Gods are convincing and it seems so reasonable. And oh yeah, let's not talk about the pressure when you do decide to buck the system, try to circumvent a tidy outlined path. Just as adults can never convince a four year old that the shots are good for them 'so sit still', the Gods often have a hard time convincing me that what needs to be done is truly for the best. So They hold me tight and then it is done and They say, 'Now that wasn't so hard' and it wasn't. Truly, every uncomfortable moment has ultimately become a blessing; the works have become gifts for service is sacred and the Gods have Their own generosity.
And why do I keep saying They and not just Loki? Why 'on call' for several Gods/Goddesses? Because Loki has asked me to be. See, I had a talk with Loki. 'I'm my own person. I love you but I make my own decisions! I'm no servant, I'm no slave.' He laughed, He always looks so beautiful when He laughs in that kind way and then He said something like, 'That's fine. You can call yourself what you want. But if you don't do what I say you will have to face the consequences.' Well Loki, I guess if you put it that way...
But really, what devotee would actually flat out say no to their God? There is alot of criticism and angst over the godetheow concept but let's think about it. There are plenty of things Loki, Heimdallr, Hela and others have 'requested.' Plenty of them were fine, but others just weren't/aren't feasible. Honest conversation usually fixes the whole issue, I haven't found the Gods to be cruel or unreasonable. If you, reader, have sneered at the God slave concept I do ask you to consider this- if your God asked you to build a small shrine for Them or asked you to fast for a day in order to get closer to Them would you really say no? Would you refuse your God?
So believe me, as I was out planting my 30th shrub with plenty more to go I was heavily considering this. I'm thinking about that prime spot in the yard She is putting dibs on for something else, wondering if She'll agree to it being in another spot, a better spot for me. She has been flexible before. I still don't call myself a godatheow but I often can't tell if I'm serving through choice, respect, or just because I have to. I don't want to worry about that right now though. For right now, while I make friends with Verdandi I'll just figure Hela likes gardening and let the future be the future. Jera comes and goes but Kenaz is now and I think I'll worry about just that for the moment.
Serving the Gods or Suck it Up, Buttercup- an article that took me months to work up the courage to read but ultimately explains things quite nicely.
Godathegn and Godatheow- I put the link to this blog here as the author and contributing comments discuss not needing to be a godatheow to provide service to the Gods. Very important to remember.
Third person (very brief): See Loki in a glade, in the backyard of the house in Jotunheim. The setting sun is streaming down. He is sitting cross legged on the grass, holding me. I’m reclined on His legs, eyes almost closed. He is leaned over, cradling me.
First person: I know I am dying, but I’m not terribly sad- more resigned, it is time and that won't change. Loki is holding me. He is warm, I can look at Him, look into His face but it is fuzzy. I’m weak but He is warm and the love radiates from Him. I hold Him until I can't any longer, He kisses me softly as I let go. He is singing softly, maybe more humming, doesn’t matter. I can hear Him and feel the vibration of His song through His chest, feel His warmth. I feel safe. Things start to slow, soft black creeps in. I am sad, but I somehow know I will be back. As happens in death, everything slows and the dark edges in till soon all there is is Loki’s warmth and His song. The warmth fades but I’m not cold, there is just the song and the song softens till all is gone.
Third person: Loki carries me to a bed, a safe place. Others come, it is time for Him to go. He doesn’t want to yet- He watches for a time, could have been moments or days or years time is different for the Gods. Somehow I know that He will wait, He will wait because I will live again. I won’t know Him then though but He is prepared, He will come to me again. He knows I won’t know Him, but a part of me will recognize Him. He hopes I will love Him again then, when I live again. And somehow, a small part of me that will be buried in the new life and mind in Midgard, that small part of me hopes so too.
This story Loki showed me has been coming to my mind a lot lately. Probably because of what He has told me, about being His before. Maybe because of the season, this Ostaric time of birth and rebirth. About how this time I wanted a child, I delayed His coming for that. I delayed a child as that hidden part of me knew after the child my life wouldn’t be my own anymore. So I delayed 10 or 12 years in this life after I could have reasonably had my boy… that is nothing in the big scheme.
But I can’t stop thinking of that story, even though He showed it to me what, maybe a year ago it still makes me cry- the emotions involved with it. It was as though I felt my death, a good death in the arms of the one I love, the one I am also so fortunate to call my God. I only hope my next death is as good.
Loki has told me, when we have spoken of such things, that I will have a choice. The Norns, they disagree, Skuld predicts I have work to do here on Midgard for several more lives before I can rest. But Loki will give me choice. I can do something else. I ask Him if I will know Him there, still be with Him. He tells me yes but it will be different, my needs will be different. Or I can come back, live again here on Midgard. I can come back and have the opportunity to get to know Him all over again, have the opportunity to fall in love with Him all over again.
If I do, if I choose to live again, I will ask for Him to come to me sooner.
Even though this story was shown to me almost a year ago it still makes my throat constrict, brings tears to my eyes. But not because I was sad, not because I died. Because of the sheer beauty of the love a God can have for one of His.
Ragnaroks cancelled. Loki fell in love.
Have a great one!
This year we're going to experience four unusual dates. 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11 and that's not all...Take the last two digits of the year in which you were born -now add the age you will be this year, and the result will be 111 for everyone...!! This is the year of Money..!!! This year October will have 5 Sundays, 5 Mondays and 5 Saturdays.
This happens only every 823 years... These particular years are known as 'Moneybags'... The proverb goes that if you send this to eight good friends (already today translated from the Brazilian version..!) money will appear in the next four days as is explained in Chinese feng-shui... Those who don't continue the chain won't receive.. It’s a mystery, but its worth a try..