This dark path of howling winds, burning hail and the sting of cold waters feet slogging through the muck and mud I've been here before and now I tread again. Loki pointed the way, Heimdall pushed, Hela screamingly drags and Nerthus goads and I stagger and stumble as I make my way like a blind dog. I know dear Sigyn will be there to catch me when I fall and the Alcis stand back aways, They in their blessedness tell me They will make no demands but are there if I need. And I so long to lean into Their strong shoulders for just a bare moment but I am falling down this echoing path too fast twisting and spinning free fall to the will of the Gods.
In this madness the emotions rise- I've never been emotional I don't like this but it is thrust on me and deal with it I do as I can. I stand on the bright bridge, 'Why? Why am I so emotional?' and Heimdall chuckles and takes me in as one would a child learning to adjust, 'You've always been emotional, every time.' He tells me that depth is my strength but I don't feel strong. Like a wounded bird, a cat with three legs, a balloon whose air has been let out and now lies as crumpled rubber on the couch. Of course there is also the horror of every time They show glimpses of behind and there has been an every time leading to the now just please don't show the should/will be but bare glimpses They do show and I don't want to know. I need to make friends with Verdandi first.
So I bend and twist like both Gumby and Pokey. There is no privacy with the Gods, it as They choose; come here, do this, let me, get back, further, LOOK, and I scream in the dark corner I can't get back any further Yes You Can and I do. And I snarl, 'How long do you have me for?' but my question isn't answered, it isn't important. Bend here, bend there- Helm of Awe.
And the only actually, truly mad part of all of this is that no matter how this bend and twist pains and cuts, grinds and scrapes- I never want Them to stop. I will walk this howling road into Their light.