Third person (very brief): See Loki in a glade, in the backyard of the house in Jotunheim. The setting sun is streaming down. He is sitting cross legged on the grass, holding me. I’m reclined on His legs, eyes almost closed. He is leaned over, cradling me.
First person: I know I am dying, but I’m not terribly sad- more resigned, it is time and that won't change. Loki is holding me. He is warm, I can look at Him, look into His face but it is fuzzy. I’m weak but He is warm and the love radiates from Him. I hold Him until I can't any longer, He kisses me softly as I let go. He is singing softly, maybe more humming, doesn’t matter. I can hear Him and feel the vibration of His song through His chest, feel His warmth. I feel safe. Things start to slow, soft black creeps in. I am sad, but I somehow know I will be back. As happens in death, everything slows and the dark edges in till soon all there is is Loki’s warmth and His song. The warmth fades but I’m not cold, there is just the song and the song softens till all is gone.
Third person: Loki carries me to a bed, a safe place. Others come, it is time for Him to go. He doesn’t want to yet- He watches for a time, could have been moments or days or years time is different for the Gods. Somehow I know that He will wait, He will wait because I will live again. I won’t know Him then though but He is prepared, He will come to me again. He knows I won’t know Him, but a part of me will recognize Him. He hopes I will love Him again then, when I live again. And somehow, a small part of me that will be buried in the new life and mind in Midgard, that small part of me hopes so too.
This story Loki showed me has been coming to my mind a lot lately. Probably because of what He has told me, about being His before. Maybe because of the season, this Ostaric time of birth and rebirth. About how this time I wanted a child, I delayed His coming for that. I delayed a child as that hidden part of me knew after the child my life wouldn’t be my own anymore. So I delayed 10 or 12 years in this life after I could have reasonably had my boy… that is nothing in the big scheme.

But I can’t stop thinking of that story, even though He showed it to me what, maybe a year ago it still makes me cry- the emotions involved with it. It was as though I felt my death, a good death in the arms of the one I love, the one I am also so fortunate to call my God. I only hope my next death is as good.
Loki has told me, when we have spoken of such things, that I will have a choice. The Norns, they disagree, Skuld predicts I have work to do here on Midgard for several more lives before I can rest. But Loki will give me choice. I can do something else. I ask Him if I will know Him there, still be with Him. He tells me yes but it will be different, my needs will be different. Or I can come back, live again here on Midgard. I can come back and have the opportunity to get to know Him all over again, have the opportunity to fall in love with Him all over again.
If I do, if I choose to live again, I will ask for Him to come to me sooner.
Even though this story was shown to me almost a year ago it still makes my throat constrict, brings tears to my eyes. But not because I was sad, not because I died. Because of the sheer beauty of the love a God can have for one of His.

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.

Leave a Reply.